Voice of Reason
|Posted on September 30, 2013 at 8:15 AM|
I remember years ago when I was a child my mom had a "friend" that could be very cutting and mean. She seemed to delight in pointing out how much better she was than my mom and how everything she had and did was superior.
My mom was so gracious to this woman. For years she put up with what I would call - her crap. As a child and a teen I could not figure it out. I mean this woman was really quite a hag to my mom at times. And, at other times she was just the nicest lady doing whatever she could for my mom. This was usually when someone else was watching or she needed something in return
At times my mom would complain to the family about this friend and her ways. But, she never let her frustration show through to the woman.
I would ask my mom why she even bothered. When I was quite young she would reply that the lady was rough around the edges but had a good heart despite it.
Years past and my mom and her friend grew apart. It always made my mom sad that they grew apart. Although, I have to say I think my mom was better off for it.
When I was an adult I asked my mom one time about this friend and why she constantly put up with her degradation. Well, my mom showed me a beautiful spirit when she told me her story.
My mom's friend always had to have the best clothes, the best haircut, and the nicest perfumes. But, she would smoke for periods of time so she wouldn't look like a “fat cow” like her mom would tell her. This lady had a younger sister that was naturally tall and slim and beautiful. The family beauty queen. Even though my mom's friend was of average build and nice looking she always felt like an ugly duckling, reinforced by her family's comments. My mom was a tall slender beautiful woman so that must have been intimidating for her friend.
My father was a town councilor in Drayton Valley for many years. This was also a sore spot for my mom's girlfriend. She thought that my parents were trying to up their social standing and become elite. What a crock of blarney. Being a town councilman in a small town does not increase your social standing. It just increases your stress levels. You work tirelessly trying to create a prospering community with very little thanks, but quite a bit of criticism. My parents are very community minded citizens and at the time my dad felt this was a way he could serve the community that he lived in.
My mom's friend had a daughter that was the same age as me. We were the best of friends until grade 3. Then things started to go downhill. I was a very scholastic child. Yes, nerds are us was me. My best friend was slow in school and was delayed a bit mentally. She ended up failing grade 3. This brought jealousy to the forefront of my mom's friend and my mom's relationship. This woman could not cope with the fact that her child was a "failure". Sadly, she was treating her own child the same way she was treated by her mother, making her feel small and less important.
Sadly she was overcome with jealousy towards me that she treated my mom even worse and would make up things in her mind that was wrong with me to make herself feel better. There were times she even picked on me because of it. How pathetically sad is it that an adult picks on a child because of their jealousies. She would also accuse me of things that I did not do. I know that these acts were the final straws for my mom. She would not continue to allow someone to belittle me. If they were indeed her friend they would not treat her child this way.
My mom never confronted her friend. She just stopped being involved with her so much and over time the distance between them grew. She did not want a confrontation. She felt there would be nothing to gain from it.
My mom always told me that jealousy was the biggest strain on a friendship. Sadly, she said that jealousy could destroy the love of friends. It is not something that you can help. You have to choose to do what is best for you and your family. You should not be ashamed of your talents, your possessions, or your beliefs. They are what makes up who you are.
It is the choice of others to have their feelings towards you clouded by these things. It should not matter if one child has an ability that another doesn't. Each is unique in their own special way. It should not matter the clothes you wear or the car you drive. All these thing are irrelevant. It is what is in the heart of you that matters.
You may have to make tough choices in friendships throughout the course of your life. Always be true to yourself! Do not sell yourself short for someone else's piece of mind. Slowly make your way out of negative relationship. It is not selfish it is necessary. Take with you the good of your time together and leave the bad behind.